Its been 2 years since mom started fighting colon cancer.Things are looking bad but someone from deep inside me says everything's going to be ok,Its the subconscious mind that wants good things in life.My life has been filled with disappointments and drops and sorrows all the while for the past 8 years.I thought life after graduation would be fun,married life would be fantastic....but NO.Its all been filled with Hurdles and sorrows.The best part in these years are my 2 sons.My lil one is 4 months old and i am travelling alone with these 2 lil ones to India all by myself.I feel that i am being treated as a worthless creature by my husband most of the time.I tried to change myself a lot so that i could adjust with him.After all adjustment is the basis of all family lives,now it has reached a point where i have lost my self respect and identity.I did not get any kind of mental support that i expected from him through my mom's illness,other than his constant reminder that i have to deal with dad after she passes away.Being the only daughter,its been heartbreaking for me to even hear that my mom's going to die.I even thought about committing suicide many times but i think about the lil ones.I try to distract myself from the various disturbing thoughts these days.
I call home everyday and hear mom's pains and problems.She tried her level best to make my husband like my parents the way he loves his.They helped him a lot during crisis times and adjusted with our lil facilities during the first delivery in USA.I guess you dont need to credit those cause they are not your parents.Sometimes i feel that he is filled with so much negative thoughts.I made the wrong choice depending on the conversations we had before wedding.
Today i have decided to reconstruct my lost identity,build my confidence.Even though i am not working and making money,i want myself to feel worthy.I am going to work on that.I have also decided to record every negative statement my husband delivers.Its not for proof or anything,i just want him to listen to what he said .Perhaps the problem is mine....
After reaching India,i need to find some engagement other than mom's health.I have to be by her side at the same time,make myself feel involved in someother things.I am going to talk openly about my problems to my family and let them decide.

Today is the 25th Feb 2011,and i am entering the 2nd day of my no carb diet.Lets see how it goes.Today i am giving up sugar and am starting to use Trivea.Its gonne be easy i guess.I have had coffee in the morning with about 3 tsp of sugar and 2 tsp of coffee,I had a cup of yoghurt and 4 eggs .I had small 3 small chicken pieces.

Thats all for this day:)I wish i loose 15kgs somehow!!

I need the inspiration,i need to think about all the people who said i am fat.I need to think about all the shopkeepers who said the dress would not fit me:)

I am thinking of all the bad days in my life.I will get through this diet.Its better than starving all my life:)

no carb diet:)

Finally a diet that would not leave me starving.I want to be fit and healthy and not a size 0.So i found this low carb diet.This is my day 1(01-24-2011),I wanne continue this for about 2 months to see how it goes.At first i am going to try this for 20 days at a stretch ,today being the first day!

02-24-11

Coffee in morning(milk,sugar,coffee)

alli

at 11:40 veggies,honey mustard and a lil original coleslaw

2pm-4 eggs with a lil oil and pepper and salt

activia yoghurt

6pm-coffee with whole milk,sugar

02-25-2011

coffee in morning(milk,sugar,coffee)

alli

11:40 salad and chicken

2pm icetea with honey

yoghurt

6pm coffee

Weight loss is a big thing these days.There are many ways to do it but the most important step is your dedication to do it!If you are not determined weight loss is never possible.As far as i am concerned,i weigh 180lbs and still do weigh that much.I have always been overweight in my life.Now i am 26 and i still weight 180lbs.I tried many things and gave up in a few days.I thought i could do crash dieting.I have heard about the lemonade diet.Nothing but lemonade the whole day for 10 days in a stretch but i couldnt do it for 2 whole days:(I was never determined.I crave for food in between and could not control my craving beyond a limit.I never eat breakfast instead drink a mug of coffee in 2% milk.I eat a heavy lunch and sometimes dinner too.I dont snack much .I love to eat our,gud food always made me feel good.Shopping has been another weakess that i have.But lately i have noticed that i am a whooping size 14,i want to bring my size down to a size 6 which is loose 8 dress sizes.Is that impossible?I have heard success stories and a whole lot of reality shows in the televisions.

I am a normal home maker in the USA,and i wanne find out something that would actually work and not go for weightloss tablets and surgery.I have set a start date many times,have seen many friends and relatives loose weight like that but have never happened to me.I really want to fall in the groove which i am not able to!

So as of today ..i am setting a start date:)