Its been 2 years since mom started fighting colon cancer.Things are looking bad but someone from deep inside me says everything's going to be ok,Its the subconscious mind that wants good things in life.My life has been filled with disappointments and drops and sorrows all the while for the past 8 years.I thought life after graduation would be fun,married life would be fantastic....but NO.Its all been filled with Hurdles and sorrows.The best part in these years are my 2 sons.My lil one is 4 months old and i am travelling alone with these 2 lil ones to India all by myself.I feel that i am being treated as a worthless creature by my husband most of the time.I tried to change myself a lot so that i could adjust with him.After all adjustment is the basis of all family lives,now it has reached a point where i have lost my self respect and identity.I did not get any kind of mental support that i expected from him through my mom's illness,other than his constant reminder that i have to deal with dad after she passes away.Being the only daughter,its been heartbreaking for me to even hear that my mom's going to die.I even thought about committing suicide many times but i think about the lil ones.I try to distract myself from the various disturbing thoughts these days.
I call home everyday and hear mom's pains and problems.She tried her level best to make my husband like my parents the way he loves his.They helped him a lot during crisis times and adjusted with our lil facilities during the first delivery in USA.I guess you dont need to credit those cause they are not your parents.Sometimes i feel that he is filled with so much negative thoughts.I made the wrong choice depending on the conversations we had before wedding.
Today i have decided to reconstruct my lost identity,build my confidence.Even though i am not working and making money,i want myself to feel worthy.I am going to work on that.I have also decided to record every negative statement my husband delivers.Its not for proof or anything,i just want him to listen to what he said .Perhaps the problem is mine....
After reaching India,i need to find some engagement other than mom's health.I have to be by her side at the same time,make myself feel involved in someother things.I am going to talk openly about my problems to my family and let them decide.
I call home everyday and hear mom's pains and problems.She tried her level best to make my husband like my parents the way he loves his.They helped him a lot during crisis times and adjusted with our lil facilities during the first delivery in USA.I guess you dont need to credit those cause they are not your parents.Sometimes i feel that he is filled with so much negative thoughts.I made the wrong choice depending on the conversations we had before wedding.
Today i have decided to reconstruct my lost identity,build my confidence.Even though i am not working and making money,i want myself to feel worthy.I am going to work on that.I have also decided to record every negative statement my husband delivers.Its not for proof or anything,i just want him to listen to what he said .Perhaps the problem is mine....
After reaching India,i need to find some engagement other than mom's health.I have to be by her side at the same time,make myself feel involved in someother things.I am going to talk openly about my problems to my family and let them decide.
